Time/Life Presents

After Saturday Night Live, Channel 7 always plays an informercial from Time-Life whatever -- you know, the folks who do those music CD collections. Lately they've been pushing their "Singers & Songwriters" collection (which, judging from the song list, seems like it's just a bunch of '70s hits, as if nobody from the '60s or '80s or '90s sang or wrote songs). For just five easy payments of $29.99, this collection can be yours.

I find the infomercials fascinating, which demonstrates that I need more hobbies. But it is prretty amusing. The infomercials always have the same format. They grab a former hit band that isn't doing much these days and probably needs the money (for the "Singers & Songwriters Collection it's America) and wheel them out of the nursing home to plug the collection. This also means we have to put up with them trying to sing and play guitar again. Trust me, you don't want to hear America try to play "A Horse with No Name" now.

Then they take some unknown model-actress and pair her up witn the band, where she can talk about how she grew up with America/the band of the week and was "always a big fan." This week that role is played by someone named Suzanne Sena. I've never heard of Suzanne Sena, but according to according to her Wikipedia page she was a candidate to replace Kathie Lee Gifford when she left Regis & Kathy. But she lost out to  Kelly Ripa. Tough break. From Regis to informercials -- that's a pretty big downward spiral. Suzanne Sena also fulfills the disclaimer requirement of the progran, telling us that if we're not completely satsifed, Time/Life will refund out money in full.

Oh, crap, now America's breaking into an impromptu rendering of "Sister Golden Hair." This is difficult to listen to.

The one thing I've noticed recently is that they've stopped the interviews with "satisfied listeners," which is probably a good business move. But for someone like me, who thrives on comic relief, it's terrible. These folks would always look like buffoons. I mean, I really don't care that Kevin and Brenda Jones, who are sporting the same haircut they wore when they graduated from Watertown High School in 1975, "would spend hundreds of dollars if they tried to find all these sings in stories.

So, if you're having trouble sleepuing late some Saturday night, flip in Channel 7. It's good mindless entertainment. Plus, Time/Life is giving us the definitive collection, complete with liner notes. Don't wait. Call now.