Sunday, April 24, 2011

A Bad Way To Start Easter

Here's a bad way to start Easter:

Turn on SyFy Channel at 1 a.m to the rebroadcast of SyFy Original Movie Roadkill. On paper, it sounds good. The cable channel listings description of the film's plot says, "a gigantic predatory bird stalks two siblings and a group of friends in the wilderness." Sounds reasonable.

But it's just bad. With most bad monster movies you can at least laugh your way through them. This is bad and it takes itself a little too seriously, getting all into this bullshit about "it's not just a bird. It's a Roc." And you're just, like, "Whatever. This is stupid."

And if you do, as a bad monster movie, intend to take yourself seriously, you CANNOT include lines like, "dude, we're stuck in a foreign country with a giant bird chasing after us." Because that instantly loses you points on the credibility scale.

But the real death blow was when they figured out that, like every other living creature, the Roc is susceptible to fire, they concoct a scheme where they lure the Roc to a gas station for the climactic showdown, ignite the pump with enough force to blow the Roc to smithereens, only for another one to come swooping down to kill our hero.

SyFy Channel prepared us for this atrocity by airing a whole day of killer-bird-type-things-gone-amok movies, including the greatest movie of all time, "Pterodactyl", starring Coolio and a whole gaggle of killer pterodactyls. Unfortunately, the main event left us wanting more.

Happy Easter.

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