Thursday, December 4, 2014

NFL Week 14 Predictions

I went a mediocre 8-8 last week, the first time since Week 2 that I failed to have a winning record for the week.

I can do better. (And by "I can do better," I mean, "I can write another non-football-related blog in the next few days.")

This week's picks:

Cowboys 45, Bears 28 -- Our punishment: Thursday Night Football in 2014 means we have to listen to Phil Simms twice a week now. Phil Simms' punishment: he has to watch the Bears on back-to-back Thursdays.

Steelers 23, Bengals 7 -- Pittsburgh: kicks Indianapolis' ass, loses to lowly Tampa Bay and New Orleans. Cincinnati: beats Tampa Bay and New Orleans, gets ass kicked by Indianapolis. Welcome to the schizophrenic division.

Colts 41, Browns 23 -- Johnny Manziel leads Cleveland on one garbage-time TD drive and he's the second coming and Browns are now in QB Controversy Hell. Way to ruin your team's playoff chances, Mike Pettine.

Lions 23, Buccaneers 16 -- When I was writing this blog I accidentally almost skipped this game. By a weird coincidence, Buccaneers skip most of their games on purpose.

Texans 27, Jaguars 0 -- Here's how good JJ Watt is: if he had played quarterback vs. Tennessee last week, he, too, would've thrown 6 TD passes.

Ravens 22, Dolphins 16 -- Baltimore Twitter still erupting over controversial pass interference call on Chargers' game-winning drive vs. Ravens last week. The way Dolphins played last week vs. Jets, no late-game letdown will be possible.

Jets 23, Vikings 21 -- I've decided that Teddy Bridgewater is the Geno Smith of the NFC.

Saints 31, Panthers 13 -- Classic trap game for New Orleans. Then again, 2014 Panthers have pretty much quit....

Giants 32, Titans 29 -- Giants can't truly be this bad, right?

Rams 23, Redskins 20 -- Rematch of the 1945 NFL Championship Game (won by Rams, then in Cleveland, 15-14). That's about all I can say that's interesting about this game.

Cardinals 34, Chiefs 24 -- Two teams in freefall mode. That's about all I can say that's interesting about this game.

Broncos 30, Bills 19 -- Would love to see Bills pull the upset here. Would also love to see $100 million dollars fall through the sky into my bedroom.

49ers 38, Raiders 7 -- Never has a matchup of the two Bay Area teams been so uninspiring.

Seahawks 27, Eagles 20 -- After a somewhat disappointing season, imagine how insufferable Seahawks will be if Richard Sherman has truly gotten his mojo back?

Patriots 45, Chargers 7 -- San Diego travels to the East Coast, gets physically dominated, somehow finds a way to pull it together in the end and upset Baltimore. That was totally the kind of game Chargers normally lose. So it seems logical that they'll turn around and lay an egg at home. Then again, I hope I haven't jinxed the Patriots....

Packers 35, Falcons 31 -- Here's how bad the NFC South is: if Bears and Vikings were in the division, they'd be tied for first place.


LAST WEEK -- 8-8

SEASON TO DATE -- 126-65-1

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