Friday, March 9, 2012

Bullshit Rate

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The nation's bullshit rate in February increased to 52.7 percent, a whopping 11.6 percent increase over January.

Experts cited the rapidly heating presidential race, another Academy Awards ceremony fraught with fake people lying through their teeth on the red carpet and in their award speeches, and Snooki's pregnancy and impending nuptials as primary factors.

"We usually see a bump in February, but this past month was just off the charts," said Kathy Shlabotnik, executive director of the Bureau of Statistics. She noted this is the highest the bullshit rate has been since 1987, when Iran-Contra was at its peak and a second incarnation of The Newlywed Game was in syndication.

"This is pretty unprecedented," she added. "Think about it, more than half of what people say is utter bullshit now. Usually only a third of what people tell you is crap."

On the street, people treated the new with a mix of resignation and skepticism.

"Just another sign of the times," said Joan Johnson, who was enjoying a night out at at Mohegan Sun. "You can't trust anything anybody tells you these days."

Her husband, Brice Johnson, disagreed. He had just returned from the casino slots, where he claimed he had just won $5,000. "Are there some bullshit artists out there? Sure. But for everyone who feel you a crock of shit, there's a nice Nigerian emperor's son who's letting honest folks like you and me know we've inherited millions."


  1. There's some kind of bullshit meter? Fantastic! Perhaps soon we'll all be able to buy bullshit detectors like watches. But then, if we knew for certain we were facing bullshit straight on, would that only make us more miserable?