Finished a mediocre 7-6 last week, no thanks to the Chargers, who are quietly having an awful year. I hate the Chargers though so I’m not complaining.
This week's picks:
N.Y. Jets 34, Buffalo 12 – Rex Ryan rolls himself out as game captain for the pre-game coin toss.
Baltimore 30, Jacksonville 3 – Both teams suck. That is all.
Green Bay 40, Detroit 14 – Lions haven’t beaten Green Bay in Lambeau since like 1814, and that probably won’t change when you hire a new offensive coordinator named Jim Bob Cooter.
Philadelphia 17, Miami 7 – Rebuilding a team takes small steps. Dolphins goal this week: go through the entire game without a shotgun snap going over Ryan Tannehill’s head for a safety.
Pittsburgh 34, Cleveland 21 – At this rate, Ben Roethlisberger should take the rest of the year off.
St. Louis 20, Chicago 12 – Jay Cutler is now the Bears’ all-time leader in touchdown passes. That’s like Rob Schneider being the all-time leader in Academy Awards for Best Actor.
Dallas 13, Tampa Bay 9 – Maybe Greg Hardy shouldn’t be on Twitter.
Carolina 30, Tennessee 3 – Wait…why does Carolina get two bye weeks?
New Orleans 27, Washington 24 – After Washington receivers dropped about 200 passes vs. Patriots last week, Jay Gruden moved them all to defensive back for the rest of the season.
Minnesota 31, Oakland 20 – Raiders linebacker Ray-Ray Armstrong could face felony charges after taunting a Pittsburgh Police Department K-9 before Sunday’s Steelers game. I don’t see any need to add further pressure to overcrowded prisons – playing for the Raiders is punishment enough.
Denver 49, Kansas City 29 – After receiving a one-game suspension for poking the eye of Colts’ TE Dwayne Allen, Aqib Talib will spend this game poking everyone on Facebook.
New England 24, N.Y. Giants 20 – The concept of Patriots playing the Giants while undefeated makes me nauseous.
Arizona 36, Seattle 18 – Seahawks’ sequence of wins and losses in 2015: Loss, Loss, Win, Win, Loss, Loss, Win, Win. Well I guess we know how this game will end.
Cincinnati 34, Houston 27 – Texans’ defense might have better results if they didn’t send JJ Watt into that forest to chop wood.
LAST WEEK: 7-6
2014 THROUGH WEEK 9: 86-48