Saturday, February 19, 2011

Xtreme Writer's Group

This is certainly not intended as a critique of any of the writer's groups I'm currently in.  But I have a vision for my ideal writer's group. 

At my ideal writer's group....

* A camera crew from MTV would arrive to shoot footage for the reality TV show "Xtreme Writer's Group."

* Before we begin the critiques, Christina Aguilera would butcher the national anthem.

* We would invite two published authors to the meeting, and then take their respective books and run them through the shredder, saying, "Nobody should have to read this."

* Before each piece gets workshopped, the author would come running through the door while we blast "Crazy Train"  from the stereo.

* Two people would by in tears by the end of the night.

* There would be a mandatory two-hour break in between the second and third workshop pieces to watch a bad monster movie.

* Three fistfights would break out.

* Green Bay Packers receiver Greg Jennings would put the team on his back and score on a 99-yard touchdown pass despite a broken leg.

* Everyone would be required to write a short poem, one line of which would have to be about either Tyrannosaurus rex or Felix the Cat.  

* Neighbors would call the police, forcing them to bust down the door and break up the meeting.

Anyway, it'll never happen.  That's a lot of stuff to tackle in one writer's group meeting.  But it's just a thought.


  1. OK, when one or both of us gets big, like Pulitzer big, we have to stage this exact thing. Do it for charity or something. Now that you've invented it, I don't want to die without seeing it.

    I always thought a 'Top Chef' style reality show for writers would be good, at least the 'Quickfire' thing. "Write two pages on loss. You must incorporate at least one 80s cartoon character as a leit motif and make use of symbolism involving leaves changing. You have twenty minutes."

  2. We should definitely do it! Now one of us just has to get a novel published.

  3. Umm, I thought MTV was coming to our March meeting?