This is certainly not intended as a critique of any of the writer's groups I'm currently in. But I have a vision for my ideal writer's group.
At my ideal writer's group....
* A camera crew from MTV would arrive to shoot footage for the reality TV show "Xtreme Writer's Group."
* Before we begin the critiques, Christina Aguilera would butcher the national anthem.
* We would invite two published authors to the meeting, and then take their respective books and run them through the shredder, saying, "Nobody should have to read this."
* Before each piece gets workshopped, the author would come running through the door while we blast "Crazy Train" from the stereo.
* Two people would by in tears by the end of the night.
* There would be a mandatory two-hour break in between the second and third workshop pieces to watch a bad monster movie.
* Three fistfights would break out.
* Green Bay Packers receiver Greg Jennings would put the team on his back and score on a 99-yard touchdown pass despite a broken leg.
* Everyone would be required to write a short poem, one line of which would have to be about either Tyrannosaurus rex or Felix the Cat.
* Neighbors would call the police, forcing them to bust down the door and break up the meeting.
Anyway, it'll never happen. That's a lot of stuff to tackle in one writer's group meeting. But it's just a thought.