Dear Larry Fitzgerald:
It's come to my attention that after your Arizona Cardinals lost the other day to Kansas City, you did a little bit of grumbling about playing for the Cardinals. I can imagine how frustrating it can be playing out in the desert now that Kurt Warner is a professional dancer for ABC's Dancing With The Stars. But I have just the solution for you.
You're still under contract with the House of Cards, and the treading deadline has come and gone, so it's a little too late to do anything about it this year. But what about 2011 (or, if there is no season because of a strike, 2012)? Have you considered a career in New England? Arizona's practically a different country, so you may have missed the news -- we traded Randy Moss earlier this year because he was rapidly turning into the old, whiny, no-effort Randy Moss again. Good for team morale -- the Pats are 5-1 since the trade. Bad for the deep ball -- New England has only one completion of longer than 30 yards since the Moss trade.
We could use someone to stretch the field. Plus, unlike Moss, you're not afraid to actually go across the middle. The best part about it is, New England has an extra first-round pick next year because of the 2009 Richard Seymour trade. I know there will be other suitors -- Kansas City's head coach is your old offensive coordinator. But think about it, New England is as close to a Super Bowl as anyone. This is your chance.
Seize the day, Larry Fitzgerald. Plant a bug in Cardinal management's ear. You have nothing to lose but your chains.