Wednesday, September 30, 2015

2015 NFL Week 4 Predictions: Running Up the Score Edition

True to last year's form, I rebounded big-time in Week 3 -- 12-4. I don't know what it is with the first two weeks of the NFL season, but I can never get the picks right. Maybe I should pretend Week 1 is really Week 3.

This week's picks:

Ravens 17, Steelers 14 -- Let's see, do I pick the team that whines about getting skunked by covering Patriots' receivers playing ineligible positions, or the team that whines about their headsets getting the Patriots' radio feed in the rain?

Jets 21, Dolphins 17 -- Really? I have to set my alarm for 9am on a Sunday to watch this game?

Atlanta 26, Houston 16 -- Falcons: 3-0, and they won't play a team currently posting a winning record until Thanksgiving weekend. I'm just not sold on Atlanta yet, but I'm also not sold on a team that keeps throwing ex-Tom Brady backup QBs against the wall until one of them sticks, either. Ugh. Life is full of dilemmas.

Buffalo 17, N.Y. Giants 14 -- In the middle of a press conference about the Giants and QB Eli Manning, Rex Ryan abruptly changes the subject to rant about how "the Patriots tried to embarrass us" two weeks ago. It's official: Rex Ryan is the Patriots' obsessed ex-girlfriend.

Chicago 24, Oakland 10 -- With a win, the Raiders would be 3-1. Raiders? 3-1? What kind of bizarro world am I living in?

Cincinnati 21, Kansas City 17 -- On Monday night, Chiefs got first TD reception from a wide receiver since 2013 season. Still lost. Maybe Kansas City should go to the 1930s single-wing formation.

Indianapolis 43, Jacksonville 14 -- Jaguars, down 37-10 against New England, ran a fake punt on 4th-and-8 from their own 20-yard line. It didn't work, Patriots scored a TD a few plays later to go up 44-10, and now the entire league has seen the only trick play in Jacksonville's play book.

Carolina 20, Tampa Bay 7 -- Friend, to me: "WTF? Didn't Tampa Bay and Carolina just play a couple of weeks ago?" Me: "No, that was Carolina and Jacksonville." After awhile, all the shitty Florida NFL teams just sort of blend together.

Philadelphia 17, Washington 12 -- Philadelphia coach Chip Kelly wants final say over personnel decisions. Fine. But is Benjamin Franklin really the Eagles' answer at quarterback?

San Diego 30, Cleveland 24 -- At press conference, Browns coach Mike Pettine said "there's no rift in the Browns' locker room." Translation: "There's a rift in the Browns' locker room."

Arizona 37, St. Louis 13 -- Rams coach Jeff Fisher really should shave his mustache. It makes him look like he's 115 years old.

Denver 23, Minnesota 20 -- I'm pissed at the Chiefs for extending Peyton Manning's career.

Green Bay 27, San Francisco 10 -- Old Conventional Wisdom: Green bay defense can't contain Colin Kaepernick. New CW: Colin Kaepernick can't contain Colin Kaepernick from throwing multiple interceptions per game.

New Orleans 38, Dallas 17 -- 2014 on Sunday Night Football: Cowboys 38, Saints 17. 2013 on Sunday Night Football: Saints 49, Cowboys 17. You'd think NBC would take the hint and give up on matching up these two teams on Sunday Night Football.

Seattle 28, Detroit 16 -- "Hi, I'm Matthew Stafford, and I have DirecTV." "And I'm Underachieving, Horrible-In-The-Clutch Matthew Stafford, and I have cable."




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