Thursday, September 17, 2015

2014 Week 2 NFL Predictions: Radiogate Edition

Last year I struggled out of the gate (13-19 in the first two weeks), and this season my Week 1 was mediocre (8-8, and a little frustrating since I went 6-2 in the Thursday night/early games before limping home after 4pm Sunday).

I'm hoping that I'm a little Belichikian, using the first few weeks of the season as a fact-finding mission before kicking it into high gear as the season progresses. We'll see.

This week's picks:

Denver 24, Kansas City 17 -- If Peyton Manning doesn't play better the rest of the season, he may be pressed for his job by High-Pitched Voice Peyton Manning.

Buffalo 16, New England 9 -- Belichick's done it again: he jams the Buffalo stadium feed so Rex Ryan hears "All About That Bass" on his heasdset.

Houston 34, Carolina 21 -- Texans bench ex-Patriot Brian Hoyer at QB in favor of ex-Patriot Ryan Mallett. If Mallett doesn't work out, Drew Bledsoe is waiting in the wings. 

Arizona 16, Chicago 13 -- A homecoming of sorts for the Cardinals, who back in the NFL's early days used to play in Chicago. Coincidentally, the Bears also used to be a pro football team in Chicago.

Cincinnati 27, San Diego 14 -- Two teams that always show flashes but always leave you wanting more. I'm tempted to pick a tie but I won't.

Tennessee 26, Cleveland 9 -- Marcus Mariota finished his first game as an NFL quarterback with a perfect QB rating, which means his career can only go downhill.

Detroit 27, Minnesota 13 -- Preseason scouting report on the Vikings: Adrian Peterson! Teddy Bridgewater! Explosive offense! Week 2 scouting report on the Vikings: Oversold?

New Orleans 16, Tampa Bay 14 -- If the Buccaneers were a Republican primary presidential candidate, they'd be Lindsay Graham. Who? you ask. My point exactly.

N.Y. Giants 16, Atlanta 13 -- Another embarrassing moment for Eli Manning when he admits that until the end of the Dallas game Sunday night, he thought field goals were worth 5 points.

Pittsburgh 27, San Francisco 17 -- Other highlights Mike Tomlin's post-game press conference last Thursday: "We were unaware that the tight end is an eligible receiver."

St. Louis 31, Washington 28 -- Rams ownership angling to move back to Los Angeles, where they can have six times as many people not care about the team.

Miami 28, Jacksonville 21 -- After Carolina loss, Jaguars' QB Blake Bortles said fans don't know enough to question play calls, and then added, "....but they do know enough to question our status as a major league sports franchise."

Baltimore 28, Oakland 6 -- Terrell Suggs' season-ending ACL injury means there are currently no active NFL players from Ball So Hard U.

Philadelphia 41, Dallas 37 -- Chip Kelly out-thinks everyone again, signing the league's leading rusher and then giving him 8 carries on Opening Night against a porous defense.

Green Bay 14, Seattle 12 -- After throwing an interception on the 1-yard line in the Super Bowl, and getting stuffed on 4th-and-1 last week, Seahawks will be in position to score the game-winning touchdown Sunday night and decide to take a knee.

Indianapolis 21, N.Y. Jets 7 -- Memo to the Colts: if you go through a six-quarter stretch where you're outscored 62-7, maybe the pressure level of the balls isn't the issue.


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