Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Week 8 NFL Predictions

Just call me the Cardiac Kid.

There were several games that went down to the final seconds last weekend -- Detroit-New Orleans, Washington-Tennessee, Buffalo-Minnesota, Kansas City-San Diego. And I picked the winning team in each of them.


Or, I'm just really f'ing lucky.

Still, I went 12-3 in Week 7, my fifth consecutive week batting .600 or better in my picks. On that note, here are some hastily assembled Week 8 picks:

Broncos 33, Chargers 17 -- I couldn't stand to watch Peyton Manning break the all-time TD pass record, so I went out and watched my friend in a roller derby tournament instead. Thursday, I will submit myself to root canal rather than watch Peyton Manning break some other obnoxious record.

Lions 27, Falcons 21 -- The good news for Mike Smith is, if Falcons owner Arthur Blank fires him, he could probably get Smith a job as a stocker at Home Depot.

Seahawks 23, Panthers 17 -- Not saying the post-Super-Bowl-champion Seahawks are frauds just yet. But I did get an email from Pete Carroll informing me that I'm the heir to a Nigerian prince's fortune.

Ravens 26, Bengals 20 -- Remember a couple of weeks ago when the Bengals were the league's only remaining unbeaten team?

Dolphins 24, Jaguars 10 -- If nothing else, Dolphins prove they are the best team in Florida. (Buccaneers already forfeited this award with two embarrassing blowout losses.)

Chiefs 28, Rams 20 -- If nothing else, Chiefs prove they are the best team in Missouri. (Buccaneers already forfeited this award by not being in Missouri.)

Patriots 33, Bears 30 -- I was going to call this game as 33-7 until the Patriots last Thursday night made Geno Smith look like Jay Cutler. Imagine what Patriots defense will make Jay Cutler look like.

Jets 27, Bills 11 -- Meanwhile, Bills will make Geno Smith look like Kyle Orton.

Buccaneers 27, Vikings 24 -- If you're a Fox color commentator and you get assigned this game, it's time to look for another line of work.

Texans 28, Titans 22 -- Every time the Titans lose, Charlie Whitehurst has that look on his face like he left his ID at home and just got carded for cigarettes.

Eagles 21, Cardinals 7 -- When trying to pick a game between two 5-1 teams with bird nicknames, always ask, "In real life, Who would win in a fight between these two birds?"

Browns 38, Raiders 17 -- Browns were off to a good start; however, of they lose to the only remaining winless teams in back-to-back weeks, they will be banished to Canadian Football League.

Colts 17, Steelers 16 -- Steelers played about 75 seconds of good football against Houston last week and won. Come to think of it, Steelers have played about 75 seconds of good football just about every week this season.

Saints 32, Packers 27 -- New Orleans looks pretty bad this year but, after seeing those Aaron Rodgers Discount Double-Check commercials with Hans and Franz, I have to pick against the Packers on principle.

Cowboys 35, Redskins 20 -- I can't believe the Cowboys are one crappy opponent away from starting 7-1.



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