Saturday, August 23, 2014

Talking to the Chest

Once, a girlfriend told me that one of the things she liked about me was, "When we have a conversation, you talk to my eyes, not my chest."

I remember a sense of relief coming over me when she said it, because it honestly was something I'd never consciously paid attention to. But I could imagine how rude it would be, even though it's not something that would ever happen to me.

Or so I thought.

Recently I was outside a fine establishment where I was attending a party, and a young woman I knew came outside to have a smoke. And she started talking to me about some guy who kept talking to her chest.

"I'm sorry," I said. "That must be obnoxious."

"Very obnoxious," she said. "Let me demonstrate."

And so a conversation between the two of us began, throughout which she stared at my chest:

Her: "Hi, Phil, how are you tonight."

Me: "I'm good, you?"

Her: "I'm excellent. The band is great."

Me: "The food here is pretty awesome too."

Her: "Oh yeah, totally. Do you come here often?"

Me: "No, I've driven by before but I've never actually been."

Her: "Well I'm glad you're here. It's always a good time."

I think it was about here where I finally cracked and said, "OK, stop."

I'm sure I've had a handful of moments in my life where my attention has lapsed and I've talked to someone's chest, but I really hope my ex-girlfriend was right. Dealing with it from the other side (even in a half-joking manner as we were), I can now vouch that having someone talk to your chest is extremely uncomfortable.

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