Well, I had a horrible week -- 5-9. I'm sure everyone did though. I mean, who would expect this horrible Lions team to be the first to win a game in Green Bay since the Revolutionary War? Or a Texans team that finished the game with a backup QB who wasn't even on the team a couple of weeks ago would beat the previously undefeated Bengals? Or that Peyton Manning would be benched for the first time in his career?
Oh well. This week's picks:
Jacksonville 24, Tennessee 14 -- Titans vs. Jaguars: the most compelling argument yet against Thursday Night Football.
Atlanta 17, Indianapolis 7 -- Hillary Clinton gave a speech sponsored by the law firm that worked on the Deflategate investigation. I didn't realize she hated the Patriots so much.
St. Louis 33, Baltimore 22 -- Because of a depleted offensive line, Patriots have used TE Michael Williams in spot duty on the offensive line the past couple of weeks. John Harbaugh is having a hissy-fit over this.
Carolina 20, Washington 17 -- In 11 all-time meetings, the final score between these two teams has been 20-17 four times. What the hell, why not one more?
Denver 17, Chicago 12 -- First game for Bears coach John Fox and QB Jay Cutler against their former team -- that is, unless Cutler gets hurt during pre-game warm-ups.
Oakland 28, Detroit 14 -- At least or one week, Matthew Stafford wasn't the worst QB in the NFC North.
N.Y. Jets 30, Houston 27 -- An injured Ryan Fitzpatrick vs. a guy who wasn't with the Texans three weeks ago. This is not exactly Brady vs. Manning.
Dallas 20, Miami 14 -- DAN CAMPBELL'S GOAL LAST WEEK: Get Dolphins to make it through the entire game without Ryan Tannehill giving up a safety. RESULT: Tannehill sacked in the end zone for a safety 5 minutes into the game. DAN CAMPBELL'S GOAL THIS WEEK: Try out a new macaroni-and-cheese recipe. RESULT: Dolphins team headquarters burns to the ground.
Philadelphia 20, Tampa Bay 10 -- If Mark Sanche starts for Eagles, all bets are off.
Kansas City 22, San Diego 7 -- Philip Rivers is no Brock Osweiler.
Green Bay 31, Minnesota 3 -- First place is on the line in the NFC North. Hard to believe Minnesota got bundled on Opening Night by the 49ers.
Seattle 20, San Francisco 14 -- Seattle's seqeuence of wins and losses: Loss, Loss, Win, Win, Loss, Loss, Win, Win, Loss. Based on that pattern I'd say they're destined to lose again, except that they're playing the 49ers.
Arizona 35, Cincinnati 27 -- After beating the Bengals, JJ Watt called Andy "Red Rifle" Dalton the "Red Ryder BB Gun." It gets even more awkward Sunday night when Dalton accidentally shoots his eye out.
New England 27, Buffalo 24 -- Rex Ryan must have a stiffy the size of Rhode Island by now.
LAST WEEK: 5-9
2014 AFTER WEEK 10: 97-50