Friday, May 16, 2014

How to Scare People at the Bank Without Robbing It

A couple of times a week I have to go to the bank to buy change for the store. It's a simple process --

* Balance the change safe.
* Call the bank, let then know how much change you need.
* Wait 10 minutes.
* Drive to the bank
* Get change

We keep $5 bills in tubes of $40. I had originally called in for $80 in $5s, but right after I called a customer came in and bought $40 in gas, paying with all $5s. So I swapped those $5s out of the register and filled a tube. Makes life easier. Less to get at the bank.

I got to the bank and told the teller, "Hey, somebody came in with a bunch of $5s after I called in, so I only need $40 in $5s now."

The branch manager was right there and chimed in.

"Oh," she said. "That's going to be a problem."

I was thinking to myself, are you people for real? I'm asking for less money, not more. You guys can't take $40 and put it back in the safe? You're a bank, right? This is part of what you do, isn't it?

I didn't say any of that out loud, of course. But I must've flashed some serious bitchface. Suddenly the branch manager looked like she was about to burst into tears.

She said, "Oh my God I'm sorry....I was totally kidding...I didn't mean that for real....of course it's not a problem...We'll happily give you only $40...I'm so sorry...we're a bank....this isn't a problem at all....seriously I was just kidding...I'm sorry."

I was too taken aback by her apologizing to respond to her joke-gone-awry. I let the teller hand me the change and went on my way.

I guess sometimes I underestimate my ability to bitchface.

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