My name is Phil, and I have a Costanza Wallet.
This is a cry for help. I have too much shit in my wallet. It makes my wallet bulge like the Costanza wallet from that Seinfeld episode. It's embarrassing. Everything about George Costanza was embarrassing (plus he was a Yankee fan to boot).
Like every 12-step program, the first step is for me to admit that I have a problem. I've also reached out to a higher power (Bill Belichick) for help. Thus far I've received no response, but he's busy this time of year so I'm OK with it.
So while I've been writing this, I've also been going through my Costanza wallet and cleaning it out. Everything from coins to AAA cards that expired three years ago, to loyalty cards for chains I don't live anywhere near anymore. I don't think I need an ATM card for a bank account I closed back in 2007.
The result is a leaner wallet, maybe not necessarily meaner, but one that fits comfortably in my back pocket again. I can probably do more. This has been an exhausting experience and I'll revisit this in a few days. For now, I need some rest. But I can rest easier now that I have one less thing in common with George Costanza.